


my heart's beating

by forgettheghosts



Series: tokyo ghoul fix it [2]
Category: Tokyo Ghoul
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, M/M, post 164, this is so niche wtf
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-13
Updated: 2018-03-13
Packaged: 2019-03-30 12:31:39
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 922
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13951608
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/forgettheghosts/pseuds/forgettheghosts
Summary: a rooftop and a conversation.post re:164 au.





	my heart's beating

**Author's Note:**

> since this seems to be a thing now, all my update fix its are going to be in a collection.  
> The reunion was.... disappointing, in my opinion. Compared to the brutal, raw emotion that we saw in other scenes involving Kaneki remembering Hide, this was a let down. Kaneki acted more like they'd just been apart for a little while and Hide's injuries were just an unfortunate accident. Since I've already done my own reunion fix it for 163, I wanted to do Hide reacting to that. This was ultra rushed, so if there is anything that doesn't make sense let me know.  
> Hide/Amon just snuck up and drop kicked me in the face. It's very pre-slash here, but definitley implied. Does anyone else in the world ship this? No? *sneaks away*  
> UPDATE 17/3/18: If you feel the urge to leave a hate/anti hidekane comment, don't bother- other people have done it for you. In the great words of ff.net: no flames, don't like don't read.  
> Of course, constructive criticism is still welcome.

After some asking around, Amon found Nagachika- no,  _ Hide, call me Hide, Amon! We’re friends, aren’t we? - _ sitting up on the roof of the building that was being used as an impromptu base of operations amid the destruction of the city. He was staring out across the ruins. His scarf was off, and Amon got a look at the extensive damage to his face. He had seen it in pieces, having been at the hospital with him when he received his voice prosthetic. But the effect full on was… well, he felt phantom pain on the man’s behalf, and his stomach twisted uncomfortably.

He did his best not to stare as he approached Hide. However horrific his injuries, he was already self conscious enough without Amon being rude. He may have been raised by a psychotic ghoul priest, but he did have manners. 

“Hey there.” He greeted, making it to the edge of the roof where Hide sat. When the man turned to him, he started- not because of his injuries, but because his eyes were full of tears, streaking down the remains of his cheeks and into the latex and gauze that covered his more exposed wounds. 

He shook his head, and started rubbing at his eyes. The scratchy voice provided by his prosthetic sounded. “Hi, Amon. Sorry, I know there’s a meeting tonight, I’ll be there soon”

“No, it- it’s fine. It’s not urgent.”

Hide nodded, and turned his gaze back to the skyline. 

Amon turned to leave, then turned back to Hide. “Are you alright?”

Hide laughed, a wet, breathy, broken sound. “‘Course. I’m always alright.”

“It’s just, you’re crying, so I thought….” 

Hide turned to him and moved his remaining cheek muscles to indicate a smile. “I’m fine, I just- I saw Kaneki.”

Amon nodded. He wasn’t good at this- emotional comfort. Akira confessed to him and he started doing pushups on her floor, for God’s sake.

He liked Hide, he really did- he had great admiration for the man’s courage and strength, his devotion to who he loved. So he sat down beside Hide on the ledge. 

“Did it not go well?”

Hide rubbed at his eyes again. “It went as well as it could, I guess. He wanted to see what he did, so I showed him. He cried a little.” Hide paused. “He’s not the same person I knew. I didn’t think he would be, but- I don’t know if I matter to him as much anymore.”

Amon opened his mouth to offer a cursory objection, but Hide continued.

“I know he cares about me, and he feels bad about what happened. But I- I’m a remnant of his old life. I died for him four years ago. And he’s never been good at facing his mistakes head on.” Hide let out another throaty laugh. “I’m definitely in that category now. Besides, he has Touka. He has a wife and a kid on the way, and I’m not even a whole person.”

Amon frowned. He had gotten the impression that Hide’s love for Kaneki was unrequited, but he couldn’t help but feel bad. “Does he know how you feel about him?”

“I think so- I mean, he kissed me first, before he-" Hide gestured to his mouth, and damn if that knowledge didn’t settle like lead in Amon’s stomach. A kiss evolving into a gruesome attack, flesh stretching and ripping, a horrific parody of affection. Hide started to speak again, and he tried to shake the image from his head. 

“But he wasn’t in his right mind. I never told him outright, though. I was always too scared- I thought, ‘what if I lose him?’. But now I’ve lost him anyway. After all this, I’ve still lost him. And I can’t help but wonder, if I had been faster, if I had pushed him harder to talk to me, or told him I knew harder before Aogiri got him, if I had just gotten over myself and  _ said something. _ ” He took a deep breath. “And it doesn’t matter now. Even if he ever did feel the same way, it’s too late. I thought I could take it, losing him again. But I don’t know if I can.”

Amon gently put a hand on Hide’s shoulder. “You haven’t lost him. Maybe- maybe you can’t be with him the way you wanted. But he’s still your friend, right? He was happy to see you, wasn’t he? And I know he would still fight for you.”

Hide’s cheek twitched, indicating a smile. “I know he would. I just gotta be dramatic for a bit, you know? Nurse my broken heart.”

Amon smiled back, and squeezed Hide’s shoulder. “Well, he doesn’t know what he missed out on.”

Hide snorted. ‘Oh my God, how many movies have you heard that line in? You’re killing me here, Amon.”

“But you laughed, and that was the idea.”

Hide blinked up at him, and smiled with his eyes. “Thanks. I appreciate it.”

Hide turned his gaze back to the skyline, then reached down and took Amon’s hand. Amon looked down at their entwined fingers- he was unsure what exactly was happening, and equally unsure what to say. But he didn’t pull away. The warmth of someone’s hand in his felt nice. Hide had proved himself to be a tactile person- years of hospitals and running alone had rendered him touch starved, Amon supposed. He could relate.

So he left the gentle touch were it was, and gazed out at the city alongside Hide.

**Author's Note:**

> come talk to me about sad ghoul boys and make fun of my ships on [tumblr](http://mageswolf.tumblr.com/)


End file.
